What makes some people worry while others just go with the flow? As you all know (very well!), I am a worrier with a capital "W". Joe is a go-with-the-flow type of guy. Maybe we balance each other out and that's why we get along so well.
I have been concerned with Ethan's lack of development in terms of speaking and using gestures. Some of the things that he does really seem autistic in nature from what I've read in books and on the Internet (I KNOW I should be staying off the Internet!). He had his 1-year check-up yesterday. He now weighs 21 pounds, 8 ounces (25th percentile) and is 31 inches tall (80th percentile). He got three shots (chickenpox, Prevnar, and MMR). Dr. T said that Ethan should be pointing, clapping, and waving bye-bye, and of course, that immediately freaked me out because he doesn't do ANY of those things. He asked if there was a history of any speech delays in the family, and we said yes since Joe didn't talk until he was 3. Dr. T said that if Ethan shows no improvement by his 15-month check-up, he will first send him for a hearing test. If that comes back normal, he will send Ethan to be evaluated. He said the earlier we could get help for him, the better.
I must admit that my mood is crappy today. I find myself analyzing everything that Ethan is doing instead of enjoying him. I find myself ticking off all the quirky things he does and how they could be early signs of autism. How do I get past this? And if he DOES have autism, will I be able to deal with that? Will I be able to give my son the help he needs? What will it mean for the rest of his life? Everyone keeps telling me not to worry...that kids all develop at their own pace and since his daddy was slow, he will probably be slow too. I don't want to kid myself or to bury my head in the sand, but I also don't want to obsess over it like I am doing now. It's not healthy for anyone to do that.
I've completely ruined my diet. I am almost back to where I was back in November. The two weddings are in 2 and 3 months respectively. *Sigh* I have GOT to find a way to get back on track. I had my thyroid checked and it's normal, so I can't blame it on that. Not that I really could anyway when I've been shoveling in cake and pizza and cupcakes, etc.
I never imagined I could worry so much...I never thought I could love so much. This whole motherhood thing is hard sometimes.
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5 comments:
Oh sweetheart! You are such a dear to worry so much! I love that you put you never knew you could worry so much and you never knew you could love so much. They go hand in hand love and worry. Ethan is a very lucky young man to have a mama who cares so much.
I worry about Adam's development too but really what can we do about things? It's all in God's hands and He will sustain us through whatever lies ahead. Remember that!
xoxo
Laura- I really hate to say stop worrying so much for like the 20th time on your blog but I really don't know what else to tell ya. I'm sure he's fine I can tell you the expectations given by Dr's or teachers are high. I was floored when I saw the list of things Dominic should be doing at 3. That's why he's in the program now. All kids develop differently and if he's behind then you'll be able to get the help he needs but I think you are driving yourself nuts over nothing because he's still really really young. I've worried for years about Dominic and finally just found out that he is really behind on his speech, language, and motor skills. He didn't start talking till he was 2 and didn't start putting 2 words together till he was almost 3. On the other hand he's really good at other things like somersaults and running. He's not autistic at all just has a few learning problems that we're getting help on.
Try not to worry yourself sick. If I did that, I'm sure I'd be dead by now. LOL
how are you doing today?
It really IS the hardest job in the world!! Try not to worry! No matter what your going to love him right?
Thinking of ya....
Sara
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