Feeling Blue

I'm blue and out of sorts the past few days. At last week's weigh-in, I was up 4.2 pounds! UGGH! I know I slipped big time during the long Thanksgiving weekend, but I didn't realize I had messed up THAT badly! It's been a rough week trying to get back on track, so I am not sure what tonight's weigh-in will bring. Hopefull, I am down at least a few pounds.

This was my first cycle TTC #2. My first cycle off the BCP was 27 days, so this cycle, we dtd on CD10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15. I have NO idea if (when) I ovulated. On Thursday night (CD15), I had a lot of twinges in my right side and some achy lower back pain, so I am not sure if that was when I ovulated. I HATE playing the guessing game. I didn't use any OPKs this cycle because it was only our first one. I plan on using them next cycle to try to pinpoint when I actually ovulate. I am not feeling at all hopeful about being pregnant this cycle. I foolishly had my hopes up because I wanted a Christmas BFP. I had dreams about telling my family on Christmas Day. I have ZERO symptoms right now. Not sure how long it would take to feel symptoms if I just ovulated on Thursday?

Now I remember how much I hate the whole TTC process...the way it screws with your mind and messes with your emotions. I hate the constant analyzing and obsessing over every little thing in the 2ww. I hate how you start each cycle with such a feeling of hope and then you end it with disappointment. I got pregnant with Ethan relatively quickly (6 months), and even those 6 months were a roller coaster. I wanted the second time around to be easy and more relaxed but I can see that it's not going to happen quite that way.

I am having an ugly Monday...I am tired, sad, and my face is broken out beyond belief. No amount of concealer could help me today! I am dreading weigh-in tonight and the number I will see on the scale. I am sad because my baby is almost 2.

Geesh, if you got this far, I commend you...what a depressing, pity party post! I'll be back when things start looking up!