Another Week Over

I have so much that I want to blog about, and I don't know where to start. First off, the spot on my breast is getting better each day, thereby easing my fears that it was somehow related to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I am relieved and a bit embarrassed that I jumped to the worst possible conclusion before even seeing my doctor. Why didn't I just think positive and have my doctor check it out before I started planning my will? Why did I immediately go on the internet and research until I couldn't see straight? All it got me was one day that I spent completely worried and depressed, one day wasted, any joy robbed by my fear and tendency to think the worst is just around the corner.

R's blog (http://www.rosepuddle.blogspot.com) today was so eerily similar to how I feel. I worry, worry, and worry. I think about the future instead of living each day to its fullest. You'd think that finding out the spot is not breast cancer would have given me a totally new outlook on life, but I find myself still filled with anxiety. The rational part of me knows how absurd it is for me to worry about things I can't control, but I do it anyway. Oh when will I learn to count my blessings each day, to enjoy each and every minute with my son, to not fill my head with countless scenarios of what could go wrong in my life? What does it solve? NOTHING! I so badly want to rid myself of all this worry that sits on my shoulders every day, and I am resolved to try to do that, to let myself experience joy and happiness without being afraid of what tomorrow holds. I deserve it, Joe deserves it, and Ethan deserves it.

I am going to take Ethan to the park so he can swing this weekend if the weather is nice. Pack a picnic lunch and enjoy my family since our time together is so limited (as a matter of fact, Joe is working late tonight). I am going to stop counting down days until Friday and learn to enjoy Mondays just as much (okay, well maybe not AS much!). I am so blessed and it's about time I realize it and cherish those blessings.