We're Definitely Not the Cleavers

When I was a little girl and I played "house" and "mommy", I never imagined that my life would have turned out the way it has. I thought that I would be able to provide my children with the same wonderful and stable childhood that I experienced: family vacations and camping trips, dinner together every night, Mom and Dad there to tuck the kids in, etc.

So much of that doesn't happen at my house. Joe works in telecommunications. He works for a government contractor and because what he does is so top secret, I can't talk about it nor am I even really supposed to know all that much about it. Because of the nature of his job, the hours can get crazy. Much of the work can only be done during non-business hours, and he carries a pager for 1 week every 3 weeks. For that weekend, we are at the pager's mercy. We can't stray too far from the house because if it goes off, he will more than likely be heading to one of the sites where he does work. It goes off in the middle of the night, during the kids' bathtimes or bedtimes, during mealtimes, etc. Many nights, I am a single parent. Yesterday, I got up at 5:30, got to work at 7:00, worked all day, picked up the boys at 4:30, fed Ryan a bottle, made Ethan supper, fed Ryan his solids, thought about baths and immediately felt too tired to deal with them and thus dismissed the idea, got both boys in pj's, put Ryan to bed after another bottle, cleaned up toys, made scrambled eggs and cereal for supper, and tried desperately to get a load of laundry put away. Joe walked through the door after midnight.

I can't plan meals for the week because Joe's work schedule is never planned in advance. It never fails that when I go through the trouble of planning meals and making them, I am the only one home to eat them. I don't plan anything for after work because I need to take care of the boys. Each time I've tried to do something on a week night (like WW meetings), I end up giving it up because he doesn't come home on time to watch the boys. I make all my appointments for the weekend or I ask my Mom to watch the boys.

Do I think I am the only one with a husband who works crazy hours? Am I the only one who has to pull "single Mom duty"? Of course not. And I get that Joe's job is important. He makes good money and he is the primary breadwinner. He needs to work, and he is a very loyal employee, sometimes, I expect, to a fault. I just wish that our family didn't always come second best. Even Joe admitted that he feels like if his life were a pie, work would fill up 75%. I don't see that changing, and I am not sure what to do about it. I know the choices are limited. He can't quit. He is already keeping his eyes open for another position that may have more stable hours but still pays as well. So what do we do?

I know I need to make the best of the situation. I just worry about what it's doing to my boys. Ethan asks me almost every night if Daddy is going to be home early or late. Sometimes he doesn't ask about Daddy at all because he knows Daddy works all the time. I do the best I can, but I'm not Daddy.

I know there is no immediate solution. But venting helps.