Stuck in a Rut

My life is in a heck of a rut right now. Most days, I wake up and I feel like I am just barely keeping my head above water. Joe's job is an extremely demanding one; he works in the telecommunications field on government contracts, so deadlines are tight, hours are long, and stress is high. For the past month or so, the overtime hours have been increasing and increasing, and the hours are just completely unreasonable. For instance, Joe left for work Tuesday at 6:30 a.m. He got home from work on Wednesday at 4:45 a.m.!!!! Yes, a 22-hour workday. He stayed home most of the day yesterday, but then went in at 8 p.m. and didn't get home until 2 a.m. this morning. He will be up by 8 a.m. and on the road to work again. He also worked on Saturday from 9 a.m. until 7 p.m. I try to understand that this job is putting food on the table, a roof over our heads, and it's providing for our son. But he is giving so much of his time and energy to his job that he has nothing left to give to me and Ethan. Most nights, Ethan is already in bed by the time he gets home from work. He leaves for work in the mornings right after Ethan wakes up. I am the one who gets him dressed, feeds him, and takes him to daycare. Joe was supposed to be the one picking him up from daycare at the end of the day, but I honestly can't remember the last time he was able to. We never eat dinner together because he's never home on time, I can't go to my aerobics class because I have no one to watch Ethan, and I feel the resentment creeping in. I didn't sign up to be a single parent. We both planned for and wanted a baby, and Ethan deserves to have his Daddy around.

To make matters worse, Joe is leaving on Sunday for three days for a training class in Texas. I won't be able to go to aerobics Monday or Wednesday night, because I have no one to watch Ethan. At this point, we are both hoping and praying that things slow down at his job for awhile so we can catch our breath and reconnect as a couple. With him working so much, we've barely had time to talk, especially with my parents visiting for a few days. Joe loves his job, and he is so good at it (of course, that's part of the problem!), and I want that for him. But I also want a husband and a father who is there for his family. It's a rough road right now, but we're trying to struggle through.

I'm in a rut with my weight loss. I was doing so well and then we went up to Boston to visit my brother. I ate terribly and gained about 3 pounds. Came home and began eating healthy again, and lost the 3 pounds. Parents came to visit on Sunday, ate terribly for 4 days, and gained 3 pounds again. Now I am back to eating healthy and hoping the 3 pounds come off again. I've lost about 4 weeks of time when I could have been losing weight. Instead, I spent it yo-yo'ing back and forth with 3 darn pounds. I know I can't focus on what's in the past; I know I need to just eat healthy, try to get some exercise, and it will eventually come off, but it's still very, very frustrating.

My parents are in a rut with their house in Florida because it just won't sell. There is no chance that it will sell during the height of the hurricane season (which lasts until November), so they are looking at at least another 6 months in Florida. My Dad has had zero luck finding a job in Maryland. They are sad, frustrated, financially drained, and lonely down there in Florida. I wish there was something I could do, but I can't. Joe and I can't wait for them to move closer. We have no family close enough to babysit for us, and we have no friends. We've found it hard to meet people our own age because we live in an older neighborhood.

With all these ruts in my life, it's no wonder I feel like life is just one long, bumpy road lately. Ruts or no ruts, this is the life I have right now, and I'm trying my hardest to make the best of it. Today is just a bad day. My parents left to go home, and I'm feeling sad and a bit lonely already. Tomorrow will be better (I hope).

My son is the biggest joy in my life. He giggled at me this morning, and for those moments, I forgot about every little thing wrong with my life, and realized what is so very right: Ethan.