My life and my blog have become a broken record. It's Monday night at 7 p.m., and Joe hasn't even left work yet, nor does he know when he expects to. Because he works quite a distance from home, even if he left right this minute, I wouldn't see him before I headed up to bed. Friday night, he walked through the door at 11 p.m.
Maybe some days I could handle this, but not today. I have PMS. I missed aerobics again tonight because Joe wasn't home to watch Ethan. I have a horrible sore throat. I have to take notes for a 3-day conference at work starting tomorrow. I am exhausted. I have nothing ironed for tomorrow. Ethan has been screaming since I picked him up at daycare. And so you see, I CAN'T handle Joe being late again tonight.
I am one big ball of resentment right now. I want to scream and yell, but what good would it really do? Would that make Joe walk through the door any earlier? Would it make my son suddenly turn happy? Would it make my sore throat go away? (that's a no-brainer!)
And so I sit and stew and fume. And things will be tense again between Joe and I, me always pulling and him always pushing. We both want what's best for our son, but to me, that means having him around more, and to him, it means providing for him. Somehow we have to find some middle ground.
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I haven't updated lately on my weight loss journey. I'm still struggling and yo-yo'ing around with a few pounds. I have managed to lose the weight I gained at my brother's over July 4th and when my parents came to visit a few weeks ago. Now I just have to buckle down and lose 30 more!! I'm still following the WW Core plan as much as possible. With all the stress lately, I have fallen off the wagon a few times.
Lately, I have wondered why God decided to make some of us struggle so much with our weight, while others can seemingly eat anything they want and still have model-thin bodies. I have a friend who is 5'9" and a size 4. She has a little girl 3 months older than Ethan. She appears to have never given birth. WHY??? Why do I still have so far to go?? Why couldn't He have just given us all the ability to easily maintain a healthy weight?
Sigh. Sure wish I had some answers tonight.
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3 comments:
Hi Laura,
UUGH. This stage of frustration just keeps going and going, doesn't it? I can only imagine how stressed out and exhausted you are, trying to do everything for Ethan AND Joe, PLUS going to work full-time, PLUS trying to manage your weight. I really feel for you. So much for Joe's commitment to getting home so you can go to your aerobics class three nights a week, huh? I'm with you--I'd rather have a little less money and a little more of my husband.
Sara
Laura: I am sending you big hugs tonight! I can't imagine going through what you are without any support from your husband, family or friends. I so wish I lived closer to you, I would start a bubble bath for you, with a glass of wine and take Ethan for a walk so you could get some time.
When I was really upset with Shawn, I couldn't voice my words to him without getting angry or tearing up. I think you should let him read your latest post - it is real and raw. I hope you two can connect again.
Sending you love,
Sheri
Laura-
Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry things are so hard. I wish it was easier for you right now. I wish it was easier for you to talk to Joe right now. I too wish I could be there to help you out.
About the weight loss, please be easy on yourself right now. With all of the stress that is going on in your life, maintaining your weight is a huge success. Stress is a huge inhibitor to weight loss, especially if you are an emotional eater like I am.
I'm sending you the biggest hugs!!!!! Hang in there sweetie!!!
Lindsay
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