For now, I am waving my white flag in surrender. I can't take any more arguing with Joe over his job and the hours. My Mom sent me an e-mail with some motherly advice, and although it was a little tough to hear, I think she's got some valid points. In summary, her e-mail said this:
I am going to have to learn to be what every other mom has become: SUPER MOM.
I am going to have to be less vocal about Joe's hours even if I'm not
thrilled about them.
My husband has a good-paying job, he's good at what he does, he pays for our house, two cars, food, etc.
He is the primary breadwinner, like it or not.
Joe doesn't exactly like working all these long hours.
No matter how tired I am, I CAN find the strength to get through another day.
My son should not come between Joe and I, no matter what.
Joe and I should enjoy the time he IS home and not spend it arguing over when he ISN'T.
Marriage is a give and take, and unfortunately one person sometimes gives more than the other.
There were several other things she mentioned but those thoughts are basically the meat and potatoes of her e-mail. So, up goes my white flag, and I have vowed to TRY to be a little less vocal and argumentative with Joe about his job, and enjoy the time we do have together. We have also agreed to somehow find a babysitter at least once a month so that we can go out as a couple, and talk about work is strictly forbidden. Hopefully, that will help rekindle our relationship and bring us back together as a team.
I'm still yo-yo'ing with my weight. With Joe working so many hours last week, and me taking care of a sick baby, I hardly ate dinner at night and lost about 2 pounds. Along came the weekend and totally derailed me with pizza and frozen yogurt. On came 3 pounds. I made it to aerobics Monday night and plan on going at 6 a.m. before work tomorrow morning. My birthday is next weekend (the big 30!), and I KNOW that my co-workers are going to have cake for me, and we'll have cake on my actual birthday too. So even if I manage to lose a few pounds this week, I'll put them right back on next week. Up, down, up, down. I feel so hopeless. When I drop Ethan off at daycare, I look at the other Moms, and they all look so darn skinny and put together! How did they do it?? I still look 3 months pregnant and my son is almost 6 months old. My cousin is getting married in May, and I want to buy a gorgeous dress and look great! I wonder if I can lose 30 pounds by then, even with the holidays thrown in there to trip me up??
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3 comments:
Laura- I hate getting advice from my mom too because it's usually true! Reading your summary, I gulped because it all sounds like what goes on here although I'm used to Dave being gone all the time and don't complain anymore. He's gone about 11 hrs a day M-F and then usually works 2 saturdays a month.
I hope you lose somemore weight soon. Mine's bouncing around too so don't worry. I think it's because I look at the scales everyday. I know what you mean about skinny mom's. Depressing isn't it? I hate seeing some of the mom's at the YMCA when I take Alex to gymnastics because I feel like a chubby loser!
Hang in there!
your mom's advice sounds pretty reasonable. It's easy for her to give because she is not the one who is alone with a baby every night. I totally understand your frustration. I feel badly for Joe too - he has to work crazy hours and mend fences when he gets home. I truly hope everything works out for you! Your posts reflect your sadness and I feel for you! Sending you hugs!! Sheri xoxo
Laura- I often refuse to tell my mother what is going on because she is so good at giving unsolicited advice. :) Unfortunately that advice sounds good. I hope that following it can bring you some much needed peace.
An unsolicited piece of advice (don't you wish it was just mothers who gave it to you): Don't fret about your cake. Enjoy it!!! Plan your day's eating well so you can eat your cake guilt free. Fill up on your veggies and other low cal foods, so you can have your cake without feeling like you're messing up your week.
I really hope this new resolve can help you feel better about everything. By the way, everytime I see one of those skinny people, I remind myself of what I am and ask myself if I would trade it to be skinny. Would I change my good qualities and wonderful family to be skinny? NO WAY!!! Just remember how wonderful, caring, loving of a friend, daughter, wife and mother you are. It's so worth the "trade".
Hugs to you,
Lindsay
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