That's how I feel today...drained. I am so completely overwhelmed by so many things in my life, and I am trying to handle them all at once. I just broke down emotionally today and had a good cry. It hit me today that I will be going back to work in 3 weeks. A few weeks ago, if you asked me, I would have said that I was ready, but now that it's rapidly approaching, I feel sad. I feel sad that I will not be able to hold my little boy during the day or see him smile at me when I change his diaper. I am not opposed to daycare at all; actually, I have seen firsthand the wonderful impact it can have on a child socially. I know he'll be fine and even thrive in such a nurturing, structured environment. But bottom line...I'm his mommy and it's so difficult to go from being home with him for weeks to a working Mom. I need to go back to work for financial reasons. It's just the way it has to be right now.
Of course, the weight issue has been bothering me more and more. I feel that all my life I have had an unhealthy body image. I grew up listening to my Mom tell my Dad all the time that she was fat. She was always dieting and never happy with her body. I have been the same way throughout my life. I have decided to go ahead and try to make an appointment with a nutritionist. The hospital's Wellness Center charges $60 for an hour session, and $35 for 1/2 hour follow-up sessions. I need some direction and some motivation since what I have been doing just isn't working. I won't even look in the mirror anymore and getting dressed is depressing as the selection is limited. I want to be able to buy cute clothes...summer is just around the corner! Instead, I am stuck in my maternity jeans and a few 1X t-shirts I picked up at Kohl's. I know it's unhealthy, but I tend to let my weight rule my self-worth. If I'm skinny, I'm a good person. If I'm fat, I'm worthless.
I have so much in my life to be thankful for...most of all, the little boy sitting next to me sound asleep in his bouncy chair. I am going to try to write one thing every single day that I am thankful for in my life.
Today I am thankful that I have the support and unconditional love of my husband.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
1 comment:
I felt like I was reading my blog from just a few months ago. When I was down, I turned to food and my self imagine decreased. I think women in general have a poor self image, and no wonder, look at all the skinny, beautiful "role models" our society has.
I think you are a beautiful person because of who you are in your posts, your caring nature and the love you show for your son.
Keep your chin up! I will be reading your blog as often as I can so please keep updating!
Love,
Sheri
Post a Comment