How come my closet is full of clothes but I'm wearing the same thing every day? How come I had my son almost 10 weeks ago, and the only pants I can wear are maternity? How come I am hungry all the time? These are all the questions that I have been asking myself over and over. I absolutely cannot look in the mirror. The sight of my body truly disgusts me. My body image was very poor before I got pregnant, and it's even worse now because I've never been this heavy. I truly feel like I'm in a pit and I'm sinking lower and lower with every passing week that doesn't result in weight loss.
I did take a big step yesterday, and I made an appointment for a one-on-one session with a dietician. At first, the receptionist told me the first available appointment was May 24! I could have started crying on the phone. I am taking it as a good omen that she found an appointment for this Saturday morning, April 30th. The woman I am meeting with just had a baby girl, so I am sure she will be able to relate to how much pregnancy takes a toll on your body. I am so hoping that she will be able to devise a diet plan for me that will take weight off in a steady and healthy manner. Just seeing a 5-pound loss would be incredible motivation for me at this point.
I also went to Step Aerobics class last night. I was exhausted and a lot of the moves were tough last night, so I felt a little "out of sorts". I did still get a decent workout although I feel like I spent half the class trying to catch up when I missed certain moves!
Ethan Update: The little guy just would NOT sleep during the day yesterday. He wasn't fussy, but he wanted to play in his bouncy and then on the floor with his play mat. He was so exhausted last night that he slept from 7:15 until midnight. Joe fed him and then he slept from about 1 a.m. until 7 a.m. this morning. He has slept a little bit more today, but he still loves to play all day long! He coos and smiles all the time now. Sometimes, he coos so loud that I tell him to stop "yelling"! I am trying to enjoy every moment of each day since I go back to work so soon.
The pediatrician called in a different medication for his thrush since the other one made him sick. This one is an older medicine and not many pharmacies carry it so CVS had to order it. Hopefully, this medication gets rid of the thrush and has no bad side effects!
I guess I've rambled long enough for today...I am going to try to focus on Saturday's appointment and getting some direction for losing weight, rather than focusing on what is in the mirror right this minute.
Today I'm thankful that my husband will be home from work on time!
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2 comments:
I hate hearing the sadness in your post! I am so thankful that you are seeing the nutrionist this weekend - that will be a good motivator for you! Remember your body has just been through a remarkable event, be proud of your body for it just brought life into this world!!
Love ya girl!
Sheri
Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry. As a girl who has spent her entire life being told she's fat, I can empathize. Last Christmas I was at my heaviest and I didn't even have a baby to blame it on. I decided to go ahead and join weight watchers. I knew I couldn't do it on my own (I have spent 11 years dealing with an eating disorder). That was the best thing I have ever done. It is just another option if the nutritionist doesn't work. They even have a plan for women who are breast feeding. I hope you don't mind my suggestion. For a girl who has never been able to lose weight healthily, I've lost 25 lbs.
(((HUGS))) to you! I'm thinking of you and keep remembering that your body just nurtured your beautiful boy to life with you. You will get your body to be where you want it. It'll just take time (which we never want it to take :) )
Hugs,
Lindsay
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