Stale

First things first...

Tuesday's menu:

Breakfast: 2 eggs w/ 2 slices of turkey bacon
Snack: cut up cucumbers and green peppers with hummus
Lunch: chef salad
Snack: some pistachios and peanuts
Dinner: garlic parmesan chicken, green beans
Snack: sugar-free fudgsicle

I am not at all convinced that I have lost any more weight in the last few days. I am hoping that I am just bloated because of AF's expected arrival this Friday. I have stuck to my promise and not jumped on the scale at all. I will wait until Monday. I will be happy if I have lost 2 more pounds by Monday, making my loss for the two weeks a total of 6 pounds. It is very hard to stay focused on a diet when the other things in your life are stressful. Joe's job is as worse as it's ever been in terms of the hours he is working. Last night, it was about 11:30 when he got home, and I was already asleep. I miss him. I think I am going to ask my mom to babysit on Saturday night so that Joe and I can go out for dinner together.

I feel like my life is stale. My job is extremely unfulfilling, and I feel like I am wasting my talents by staying here. So why do I stay?? Well, there are tons of reasons: 1) the commute is easy 2) the money is good 3) good benefits 4) extremely flexible working environment if I need to leave for ANY reason 5) wonderful people. But I'm bored. I sit at work thinking about all the things I could be doing at home, or the time I could be spending with Ethan instead of working a job that leaves me feeling drained, not because of the stress, but because of the constant boredom. I have thought out this situation over and over in my mind, and I just don't feel like it would be a wise decision to change jobs at this point in my life. Joe's job is so unpredictable, and mine is the complete opposite. One of us needs to be around and available in case Ethan gets sick at daycare, or needs to go to the doctor's, etc.

I have no girlfriends in my life to hang out with. I don't know how to meet people since I work full-time. If I was a stay-at-home mom, I could take Ethan to story time at the library or to a play group and meet other women with children. With Joe working so much, I really notice that I am a loner. I have no one to call and chat with (except my mom) or to bitch about life with, or just to share a cup of coffee with.

I have no time for anything. No time for walks with Ethan. No time to exercise. Barely enough time to cook. Most of this is because Joe isn't home at night, and so I am the one caring for Ethan and the dogs, cooking dinner, cleaning up, and getting Ethan's stuff ready for the next day. Once he's in bed at 6:45, I am stuck at home. I used to belong to a book club in the neighborhood, but I haven't been to a meeting in more than 3 months. Book club starts at 6:30, and Ethan goes to bed at 6:45.

I need something to freshen up my life, something just for me. I don't know what it is, but I do know that my life is completely ruled by Joe's job and my son's schedule. I sometimes feel so trapped by both of them. I love them both more than anything in this world, but I don't have anything for myself.