Worry

I think I am the world's biggest worrier. I worry if I have nothing to worry about. I think I inheritied this trait from my father, and our worries continue to keep both of us up at night. I lie awake playing and replaying scenarios out in my head, or going over and over the figures in our budget, desperately seeking answers that always seem to elude me at 3 a.m. Here is an abbreviated list of things I am currently worrying about:

1. Will Ethan get the Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease that is going around his daycare classroom? How bad will it be?
2. Will I get above-mentioned disease from Ethan?
3. How are we going to make it to next Friday (payday) with the money that's left in our account?
4. How come Ethan isn't sitting up completely unassisted yet?
5. What is causing the few spots of contact dermatitis on Ethan's arm?
6. How come Ethan is worse on the new reflux medicine than he was on the old medicine?
7. How are Joe and I going to pay a $3,000+ dental bill before the interest-free period runs out?
8. Will Ethan hate the swim class I signed him up for?
9. Are my parents ever going to sell their house in Florida?
10. When is my sister-in-law going to have her baby? (She is 3 days overdue)
11. Will Joe be late AGAIN tonight?
12. How come I am trying so hard and I'm not losing any weight?
13. How are Joe and I going to continue to afford our commutes with the cost of gas going up and up and up?
14. Where am I going to find the money to buy new doors for my house and a new window that my Westie broke? And oh yeah, new carpet for the family room since that same Westie ripped it all up. He was mad at the man mowing our lawn. Bad man!
15. Did Ethan feel warm this morning, or was it my imagination?

On an intellectual level, I know that worrying about most of these things won't change them or make them go away, but on an emotional level, I just can't help worrying. It's my nature. Joe is the total opposite; he goes with the flow. At times, he gets so annoyed with me because I always have to be worrying about SOMETHING. This week, he forbade me to look at the February 2005 board on BabyCenter because I always get upset when I see all the other babies sitting up or trying to crawl. He tells me not to compare Ethan to other babies, but isn't that human nature?? I know I should enjoy my son and not rush him to grow up so quickly. That kind of thinking lasts for one minute before the emotional side takes over and the worrying begins again.

I have analyzed why I feel the need to worry all the time. It's not like it's a FUN thing to do. I think it's because worrying makes me feel more in control of a situation. Like, if I play out all kinds of scenarios in my head, I will have somehow prepared myself for whatever comes my way. Giving up the worries means giving up my sense of control. I want to stop worrying about the insignificant things, the things I can't change, the things I have no control over, but HOW?