In One Word...Terrified

It's Monday morning, and I'm completely freaked out and scared. Let me give you a brief history so you'll understand. When I was pregnant, my right breast kept hurting and I kept telling Joe that it looked a lot bigger than the left one. I even posted on one of the baby center boards about it. Many people reassured me that it was quite normal for them to grow at different rates and not to worry about it. I put the worry to rest. Fast-forward to about 3 months after Ethan was born, and I began to experience a lot of breast pain in the right breast. It didn't seem to matter where I was in my cycle; it just always hurt. I finally saw my GP about it, and she said she didn't feel any lumps but if it wasn't better in a month, she would send me for an ultrasound. That was on July 8.

By September, it wasn't any better, so I had an ultrasound on September 8, which came back negative. On Saturday, I discovered a strange red rashy looking area on my right breast, fairly close to the spot that has been hurting me. I (stupidly) went on the Internet and researched some of my symptoms, and now I am totally freaked out that I have Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It's a very agressive form of breast cancer, and the one you really don't want to have. The scary thing about it is that it usually does not show up on a mammogram or ultrasound; you usually have to have a biopsy to diagnose it. I spent yesterday very depressed and wondering if I have it, and if I will live to see Ethan grow up. I tried putting hydrocortisone cream on it but it didn't help, and I am already on an antibiotic for my sinus infection.

I have to meet a dishwasher installer at my parent's new house this morning at 8 (which is what time my GYN's office opens). I am going to call and insist that they see me today. I don't know if they'll want to send me for a biopsy or not. I'm so scared. I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I woke up and looked at the clock, I thought "I don't want to die." My aunt has had breast cancer twice but not Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

Anyway, I'll post about my doctor's appt. if I can get one today. I pray that I can, because I can't function or think about anything else.